i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is the high leading the old right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
