Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
