I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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