worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
