She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
