I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
