I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
