apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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