how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
