Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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