some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
