well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
