haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
