I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
