I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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