The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
