Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
