1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
