I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
