This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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