Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
