I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
