I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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