I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
