Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
