in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
