I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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