you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
