the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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