Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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