Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
