i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
