mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
