One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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