She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
