how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
