At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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