I wish I could punch you in the face.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The beer is more important than you right now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
