i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
