There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it glows. i had to have it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
