I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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