Im at strip club and am horny
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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