I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
