Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize