Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
