I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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