wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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