I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
