tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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