You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
