I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
