Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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