you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
