i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
