watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize