I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
