R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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