you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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