you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
