dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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