A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize