I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The ass gains better be worth it
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