If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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