the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
