Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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