after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
