I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
