I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Shame - the story of my life.
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