I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
