Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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